miscellaneous happenings and thinking

sat 02 may 2026

22:44:01

i like music it makeskeeps me from goin crazy

from the stupid cord (i'm really melodramatic on there):

i feel ill lately
restless anxiety at the thought of being here
stasis
little box
hit the walls and watch it shake
a thousand arms
a thousand compasses
i wanna read zato again
i want it to be two years ago again
when i was very unproductive and ignorant
but starting to have that boundless hope in everything
before it withered
curled into sleep
when i did not feel lonely
when i did not feel like i have to be doing something something something
like the little box that is my brain isnt full of air i'm swinging at constantly
panic
don't panic
nothing to panic about
i'm forgetting something
i don't want this to end
there's some answer just out of reach
a dream
something important
that fizzled out when i woke up
when did i wake up
am i asleep
no i think i was sleeping before
it would explain the nonsense
i wish i could combine my epiphanies
but i think they're mutually exclusive
unfortunate
i knit now
my mom taught me
i'm addicted

thur 30 apr 2026

19:55:21

i just watched two little sparrows skitter-hop across the road, towards a front yard and driveway respectively and then run off together
with a bit of wing flapping for extra flair
nothing is so permanent

mon 27 apr 2026

20:09:36

i've been playing steins;gate lately and i think i might've lost the patience i used to have to listen to every voiceline in a game. rintarou gets on my nerves
...i feel a bit bad now . i guess i will try more since i know exactly why this is happening and it has less to do with patience

it's warmer again so that means i feel everything that much more acutely again too
not like in winter where everything settles into my bones like the way dirt and gravel settles invisibly in the snow
more like the stirring of a surface inextricably linked with its depths... (quantum) entanglement blablabla. pool of water maybe. where i can't breathe and it feels important very very important

i guess i get why people like this game

i take what i said about rintarou being annoying only a little because this guy can be funny. does hund's rule have anything to do with microwave turntables? i don't think that's how spin works haha

mon 20 apr 2026

21:06:21

If you wanted to turn into an amide or a nitrile, what would you do?