i can't believe it has been a year since i wrote here. and in august too. what is free will lol
no idea what i was on back then either LOL. in other news i am trying again i suppose. i should use more punctuation here ok uh
i drew up a few designs for how i want the new front-page layout to be but i might just keep it like this for the time being. that is.... probably..... me procrastinating again but it's ok i'll figure it out
i had a bunch of ideas for a few different sections: i decided i was actually going to make a few shrines, a blog (even though we already have log at home), and a "world" section. i like talking about myself but i of course tone it down. nobody likes people who do nothing but blabber on about what they think about everything and all the irrelevant intricacies in their lives, but i feel a need to monologue anyways. so it just gets re-fed into my brain in a non-stop cycle. i know this would be insufferable to anyone who would care to listen in on my psyche because it's insufferable for me. therefore, i had the GENIUS idea of simply. making a section of my website purely for that purpose. i'd put all my friends there (with aliases) and all the places i frequent (with enough omissions that i'm not just broadcasting my location to all the nosy people possibly reading). and then i'd talk about them. like... a wiki, but for my life
i was not lying when i called myself self-centred. maybe it's a good thing. can't help but disapprove of it though. also if i sound super glum and pessimistic here i promise i'm usually a decently positive person... i just want to unload all my shit here rn
what else do i add. hmm. uhh i i vaccumed today that's a thing i did. did my hair. it's gotten so much thinner and i keep plucking some of it out while brushing but i don't really mind it
beyond that i drew up those front-page designs i mentioned and moped around for the rest of the day. wish it was moped like the vehicle but we can't always get what we want
is there anything else i can add. anything at all... i reread that one bill cipher image. the one from the new website about the meaning of life. i keep thinking things like "im going to kill myself!" out of reflex even if that's never gonna happen and i really like living, i just wish i did not have such a crippling need for constant validation coming from the worst places to ask for it. it's such a stain on everything i want to enjoy just let me not think about it for a moment. how pathetic is that, not being able to do the shit you like without thinking about how needy you are. if i had a clone of myself i'd spit on its shoe and berate it for being such a pitiful being while it does the same thing too
that's enough. i've done enough moping today. time to reread what i read and feel vaguely like i no longer want today's breakfast in my stomach
FUCK i just realized i forgot the time. added that. to this entry. because i didn't check the time before. i keep thinking i should set up an rss feed but i don't want to. idk who would want updates on this anyways
also i forgot another thing i did a bunch of tarot bullshit today i hate all of it sorry i just. stop. this is like gambling but with my emotions. can u not (directed at myself)
GUYS GUYS CRISIS AVERTED IM NOT MISERABLE ANYMORE VASHTI SAVED ME
im so glad stuff like this is here. im so glad i dont have enough inertia to stay miserable
gah
i hear tit too